I donno what happened...Mixed again...No Surpirse There!
Tuesday, Mar. 16, 2004, 8:13 P.M.
Imagine, today is the day you find you are going to die. You not going to live past 20, and there is nothing you or any one else can do to change it. How would you react? What would you do? Would you brake down and cry? Or would you say "Hells yeah, Party on!"?There are so many different responces for everything that we do, for everything we find out. And the funny thing is, that every one in the world is going to respond to everything differently. The funny thing about it all is, we all think of the millions of things we would do if this tragic thing came upon us, but the real question is how many of us would get all of these things done? I know what I would do....I would be dertimned to find real Love, to find true happyness, with out money, or fame. I would tell all that I care about that I do, and I would get over my little difficulties of love, life, and lust.
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As we carry on with life, and the little things involved in it, it makes you think about the poeple things and love around you. How they effect you and how you effect them. Its a wonderfull thing, how we feel for everything, and everything feels for us.
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Now I realize today is all about incomplete random thoughts, but at the sametime you will need to come to grips with it because I have determind that this is what Iam about. All of these incomplete thoughts, and not knowing how to place them. Is that okay? I belive it is.
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Today was one of thoese life thinking days, if I do say so my self. Not so much one of thoes days where all you think about is death, as much as thinking about all of the things you have done, and the people you have effected. And if you have had a positive inpact on all of these people and things, or if it was the other way around. It was one of thoese days that you think about all of your friends and how they have benifited you or if they have not benified you in any way shape or form. You think of the people that you have begun to dislike and all of the people that dislike you.
My final thoughts on this are as follows. I have made a inpact upon this world in the best way possible. I may not be a pop singer or a mountine mover, I may not creat some great thing to save the world, but I do know I have made a rather Eregualre inpact on the people around me. Reather that be good or bad, is all based upon who it is and the way they look at the things around them. Iam me you are you, and that is what makes US!
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Okay so Iam not in one of my deep rather interesting moods, but I do have plenty to say. Good or bad, Iam still undecied. But Cora Iam sorry for being a rather large Bitch today. I have a lot on my mind and should never have taken it out on you. Daniel as for you. Now the whole thing about complimenting it makes me feel vonurable. I do not enjoy this feeling, and it would be great if you could respect that and leave it alone.
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Hello, My name is Kal and welcome to my world. Iam something you are not. Iam the challenge of your dreams and your life that you are to afrid to admit. Iam the girl that is hidden deep inside of you. The one that is not afrid to cry at night, or the one to tell people personal things. Iam not your muder Iam not someone you need to fear. Iam the person that evens you out. You want to kill your self I stop you. Life for me is like looking threw a window...let me inturduce you to my world.....
As she walks home all she think of is to return to her room. Return to where she knows she is safe, and not burnded down by the daily routine that haunts her. As she aproches her room, she starts to roll up her sleves to look at her tatured arms. Her worn body and tired face. She looks at her self in the miro and remembers the happy times. The times she would run and play. When she would come home after school, and not desire to kill her self. To not slit her wrist or tie a right rope around her neck. The days when her Mother would be home, with fresh hot cookies and milk. These where the days she desired to bring back. She thought if she brought the pain she was bringing to her self it would bring all of it back. Take away the pain, the missure, and the wanted to die. These days are what she would kill for.
As she cut deep into her white scared skin, she thought of her Mother, and all of the good times they had. As she cut deeper and the pain grew she thought more of the death and the pain she cause. How it was all her fault that she died, all her fault that her Mother was not here any more to hold her tight into her arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, that every one loves her.
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Okay that is enough of that, don't you think? I sure do.
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