No One Understands Her!
Sunday, Feb. 22, 2004, 9:52 P.M. - 12:39 A.M

You say your normal, and that you would never change. You said you would stay happy, boyant, and your self. You promised you would allways be there, and you would always love me. You said things to me, that no one else would say, you cared.

But now I know you didn't. You left me to the side of the road like you found me. You broke my heart, you killed me off. You destroyed everything you created. You wrecked the perfectness.

You where perfect, you understood me, you wanted me, you loved me. What happened? When did you change? Did I do it? How can I fix it? What did I do?

The last thing you said to me, wasn't that you loved me, or that you cared, it wasn't that you regreated any of this, or the loved we shared. It wasn;t the imperfaction that I had. It wasn't any of this. What you said, is you hope I die, and go to hell! You wished that you never meet me! You wished that I wasn't what I am. You wished for the things I can't change. You wished for me, not to be me, you wished for the difference.

You said you hated me. You said you didn't care. You said you never loved me. You said you never understood me. You said things I can't say.

You made me what I am today, and then you took it allway, as fast as your gave it. You took it and threw it against the wall. It shatered, it broke. It can never be fixed. It can never be changed now. The hardest part was I had to stand there and watch. I couldn't do any thing. I couldn't scream for help. I couldn't hit you, I couldn't even touch you.

You made me run. You made me cry. You made me scream.

No one heard me, no one cared. No one loves me and you made me realize that. You gave me a reality cheack, did I need it? Did I deserve it? Do I want this?

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You make me sit in my room and cry. You make me sit in my room and think. You make me sit in my room in fear. You made me do this. You created this. You made me a monster, you made me afried of life. You did this! How does that make feel? I hope it makes you feel like you want to kill your self! Thats what you make me want to do. You make me wanna hurt my self. You make me wanna hurt you. You make me my life shit. You make my life what it is.

I made it my self. I made my self, cry, I made my self run in fear. I made my self do all of this. I made my self wanna kill my self. I made all of this.

I donno how to deal with the pain, I donno how to make it with out you...with out my self....

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As she touchs my skin, its flaming hot, and yet she is cold to the bone. She feels my cheackes enrage them selves in heat, and taking on a new colour. She feels her heart starting to pound a million times a minute. She feels her body get inflambed in with cold sweats. She feels her self chill to the bone. She feels her throught get dry and my eyes water. She feels her gut get tight, and my back stighten. She feels her self getting, to what it is. she pushs it all aside, she must go back. she needs to go to where she belongs. She is a happy person, she is happy with life and could not ask for more,to what it is. She pushs it all aside, she must go back. she needs to go to where she belongs. She is a happy person,She is a perfect person. She is happy with life and could not ask for more. She is satsified with the things God has givin her. She is happy with the knowledge she has gained. She is happy with the way she deals with things. She the flamboyant person even wants to be. She is the perfact cheerleader, the perfact suck up, the perfect student.She is the perfect lier.She is not a person, but a mask. She is a fake. She is her self. She is where she belongs. She has become conferatble here. She has come to realize that she is what she is. She is this wonderfull cheesy person that is just to not her self that it gets fusterrating. she is here. She not sucidal, or is she? She is not perfect, or is she? _______________________________________________________ She is not you she admites.She is not in the pain you suffer. She is not in the death you are. She is not doing what you are. But she does have it too. She does have pain. She has death. She has things you do not. She has 8 years of life, do you? She has pain every day that you do not. She has problems you can not imagine. She has tears you do not. She has pain and missery. She has deep hiddin things. She has things hidden in a box, on a shelf, coloured. Do you? She has death you have murder. She has self knowledge, She chooses to use it, do you? She have love, and realize She has it, do you? She won't get attached, would you? Would you try to love someone your gonna lose? Didn't think so..... So next you wanna enter a room, a room of murder and death, next time you wanna hit someone, next time you wanna just sit down and cry and feel sorry for your self. Look around. Look at the people around you. See how they deal with their life. And then think about all the things you don't know about them, that they couver up. Then cut your self, not for your pain but for someone else. _______________________________________________________ Murder is what she wrote all over her arm that day. She tried to let her feelings out. She tried to let her feelings go. She tried to hide her shame. Murder is what she wrote over hey bloody arm. And as she wrote it out she wispered these few words...tears of pain are what I feel, tears of anguish too. Tears of love are not true, exspecial tears for you. As she cut a little deeper, untill it started to burn, and sting, untill, she feels the vains pop, and the life get sucked out of her. But then she stopped that very night. And she began to cry, as she her eyes fled of tears, when she tried to maker self unknown, she wanted to die in her own fear. As she cut a little deeper, into her own fleshy skin. She started to realize. She was not in pain, she was not in suffering, she was all ready dead..... _______________________________________________________