A jumble of who knows what
Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004, 9:54 P.M.

Okay, so today was one of thoes days. One that your are totaly into but totaly zoned out on. One minute your in-conrtol, and then the next you have no idea what is going on, and next thing you know your running down the halls ways screaming Iam free. And then when you realize the grand mastake you have made, look back at your self, and wonder you think to self. What the Hell was I thinking?

Well I know what I was thinking. I know how I was feeling, and I understand why I was doing what I was doing.

I was doing what we are all tought to want to do. We are taught to want to share are emotions. To not be afaid of them. To allways be willing to share them with the world, because that is how the world goes around, on emotions. Or is? Can I say that? Oh well carry on I shall. As I was saying...about what we are taught to want to do.....

So I wrote this note. This note of self indulvenges......

My friend *cough cough* says I have terrible writing. She has to skip over words and then go back and guess what it is. I new it was bad but come on! And I don;t even think its the speeling as much as the terrible pen-minship. Oh well. LoL, so I decied to print it for her, to small....write to small....ahhh some women are never happy....lol...naw I love you.

Okay so my head is a little of every where tonight. I started here, and then moved to there and back again. I wounder if Iam always like this...My friend *cough cough* says that she loves how I go from being all smart and deep and stuff and then in the middle of a thought process I start laughing...like this....Mahahah! Only beucase I lose a train of thought, or I get board with that topic...so on and so forth.

Oh well life is some what like that don't cha think? Mahahaha I sure do!

So now for somehting deep maybe??? Sad happy, sentual? Oh wow what a world of choices we have to choose from. What do I choose....Eni Menie Miny Mo! Mahaha.....

Shes back. Shes back as her self. She returns from where she is from. She comes back from the world. The confusing world of nothing. The one that you have no entrance or exit. The one where no one know you are, no one knows you are there. The one that most go to and wonder why they go there. Yes that world. The one that no one can explain. But she return from it. She comes back to reality....

Its the first day of school. She wakes up early to make sure her face is right. To make sure her clothes hang the way they did last night. To make sure her hair sits in the same placement as before. She wakes up early, because this year is different. This year is special. It will lead to a new begging, to a new end. This year this she can be her self, she can be different. She can be what ever she wants.

She turns on the running water, and feels the steam fall on her face. The water is there, the sculding feeling is burning, but it doesn;t feel as hot as it is. It is just so wonderful. After realizing she has been in the shower longer than usualy she has allready fallen behind....rushes the rest of the day. Her make up is smuged, her liner ain't working, her shirt is wrinkeled, her pants won;t go up, her shoes are dirty, her hair is wet. There is not lunch and even worse no money. She missed the bus. Runs to school, and losses her time table, late for first class. Get stuck in the front....It just gets wrose.

Before she knows it its lunch. YUMMY FOOD! This should be good. Nothin can go wrong at lunch. Nothin went wrong at lunch. Hung out with some peeps, bagged for food. It feels like the good old days....

K Iam lost on that....are you? K time for something new. I just have nothin in that mind of mine. I don;t know if all thoes deep thoughts are gone, or I jsut am begging to think Iam good, and then they go with self esteam, maybe? Oh well.

As he sits in math class. He beggins to notice the girl he never saw before. He noticed the guy in the corner that smells funny. He notices the popular girl, and that perfact joke (teheheh). He notices the teacher that is talking but no one is lisening. Between the music, talking, and passing of notes. Between the mind wondering and the writing of thoughts. Between the students that pass by and wave to friends, between the laughing and joking.

He looks at him self and sees something different. He don't belong, Hes not laughing with any one. Hes not talking or passing notes, his friends don't pass by and wave hello......